StandingTallNZ.org
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Support People E-Learning Platform
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Kia ora and warm Pacific greetings! I’m Sione, and my friends Chris and Marama and I are honoured to be your kaitiaki (guardians) of this page. It's good to have you with us! Whether you’re visiting for the first time or coming back for more, we're here to help you every step of the way. We are currently developing this e-learning platform ready for its release in January 2025. Check out our current version we are offering and come back soon for an updated version.
Supporting our bros who have received a sexual abuse disclosure
Disclosing sexual abuse can be a difficult and traumatic experience for bros, and those who receive these disclosures need to be equipped to provide the right support. This webpage offers guidance, resources, and links to help you as a support person navigate this sensitive situation. This information will change over time so be sure to come back often.
How to Respond Appropriately- Supporting Support People
As a support person, you play an essential role in the healing journey of men affected by childhood sexual abuse. Providing compassionate, informed, and respectful assistance can make a significant impact. Using a framework called Te Ao Marama (The natural world). We hope the resources listed on this page will help you in your efforts to support those in need. Remember, your support matters, and no one should navigate this difficult path alone. Click on the video and then work your way through each action on this webpage.
Action one: Te Kore (The Void/Chaos) – Learn more about this topic
Te Kore, the realm of nothingness, represents the space of chaos and uncertainty that precedes creation. It is a time of disruption and disorder, where the foundations of change begin to form. In Te Kore, everything is formless, and yet it is the essential starting point for transformation, where the journey toward light, understanding, and healing begins.
What can I do? After disclosing his experience, the bro might struggle with how to move forward. The feelings from the abuse can make him feel stuck or isolated, and he may question his identity and place in the world. These challenges can be even harder for men, as they often feel pressure from society to meet certain expectations.
In these moments, it’s important to create a safe space where he can express himself without fear of being judged. The chaos he feels after disclosing isn’t something that can be fixed right away. It needs to be approached with kindness, patience, and an understanding that these struggles are part of the healing process. Learn more by accessing this page.
Action two: Te Korekore (Endless Possibilities) – Visioning Forward
Te Korekore (Endless Possibilities) is a space of infinite potential where new ideas, energy, and possibilities are born. It represents a formless state where anything can emerge, offering a chance for growth and transformation. In this realm, individuals are encouraged to envision a future free from limitations, creating pathways forward that are filled with hope, opportunity, and the potential for healing.
As a support person, encourage the bro to have a look at the weblink and podcast. These resources will offer useful information and support as he moves forward on his healing journey.
Action three: Whenua (The Land/Grounding) – Grounding Practices
Whenua, meaning the land, represents a place of grounding and healing. In the recovery from sexual abuse, it symbolises finding stability, safety, and strength to rebuild after trauma. Just like the land nourishes and supports life, whenua helps a person reconnect with themselves and start healing.
As a support person create a safe, steady environment and avoid using the terms victim or survivor. Offering reassurance, and encouraging the bro to take small steps towards regaining their sense of peace and power, just like the land restores balance over time. Call Safe to Talk - 0800 044 334 or Lifeline Aotearoa - 0800543354
Action four: Maramatanga (Understanding) – Reflection & Insight
In the realm of Maramatanga (understanding), individuals begin to gain clarity and insight into their experiences, emotions, and healing journey. This space is about making sense of the trauma and developing the tools needed to move forward. For support people, it's just as important to understand their own emotions and limits while helping others through such a challenging time.
As a support people you can look after yourself by taking time to reflect, setting boundaries, and seeking your own support. You need to recognise that helping someone through recovery can be emotionally demanding, so you should prioritise self-care.
This might include taking breaks, talking to others about your own feelings, or accessing support services to maintain their own wellbeing. Taking care of your own mental and emotional health is key to being able to offer effective, compassionate support when under pressure. Call Safe to Talk - 0800 044 334 or Lifeline Aotearoa - 0800543354
Action five: Hapori (Community) – Building a Support Network
Hapori (Community) – Building a Support Network. In the context of supporting a bro affected by childhood sexual abuse, Hapori, which means community, is vital to the healing process. Community is about creating connections, building trust, and offering support. A strong support network can help the individual feel safe, understood, and less isolated as they navigate their recovery journey.
For the bro, feeling part of a supportive community helps to rebuild trust, which may have been broken by the trauma of abuse. It provides a sense of belonging and assurance that they are not alone. This network can include family, friends, therapists, support groups, and other trusted individuals who provide encouragement, empathy, and a safe space for the bro to express himself.
As a support person, it's important to help the bro connect with others who can offer understanding and care. Encourage him to reach out to people who can be part of his support network, whether through professional services, peer support groups, or trusted individuals in his life. Help him feel empowered to choose who he trusts and who will contribute positively to his healing.
At the same time, support people need to remember that they are part of this community, too. It's essential to take care of yourself and lean on your own support networks when needed. This ensures that they can continue to be a strong and reliable presence for the bro while maintaining their own wellbeing.
In the healing journey, community is not only about giving support but also receiving it, creating a cycle of strength, understanding, and shared healing.
Action Six. Hinengaro (Mind) – Mental Wellbeing / Healing
Hinengaro refers to the mind and mental wellbeing, an essential aspect of healing from sexual abuse. The journey towards recovery involves addressing the emotional and mental challenges that arise after trauma, helping the individual rebuild a healthy relationship with their thoughts and emotions.
Support people can play a key role in this process by fostering a safe, open space for healing and encouraging activities that promote mental wellbeing.
Here are some activities support people can do to assist in healing mental wellbeing:
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Mindfulness and Grounding Exercises: Encourage the bro to practice mindfulness, which can help him stay present and manage overwhelming emotions. Simple grounding exercises, such as focusing on deep breathing or engaging in activities like walking in nature, can calm the mind and reduce feelings of anxiety or distress. As a support person, you can guide him through these exercises or join him in the practice to provide comfort and reassurance.
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Journaling or Writing: Writing can be a powerful tool for processing emotions and gaining clarity. Encourage the bro to keep a journal where he can freely express his thoughts and feelings. You could provide him with prompts like, “What are you feeling today?” or “What does healing look like for you?” Writing helps to externalise thoughts and can offer new perspectives on mental struggles. If he's open to it, you can also offer to write down his thoughts together, helping him organise and understand his emotions.
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Creating a Safe Mental Space: Help the bro to create a "safe mental space"—a place in his mind where he can retreat when things feel overwhelming. This could be a calm place he visualises, or it could be a real space in his environment, such as a quiet room or a peaceful outdoor spot. When difficult emotions arise, he can use this mental space to relax and regain a sense of control. Encourage him to spend time in his safe space regularly.
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Encourage Professional Support: Sometimes, professional therapy is necessary for mental healing. Encourage the bro to consider speaking with a counsellor or therapist who specialises in trauma and abuse. Professional support can provide structured guidance and tools for managing complex mental and emotional challenges.
Action Seven: Tinana (Body) – Physical Reconnection
Tinana refers to the body and physical wellbeing, which is a critical part of the healing process after sexual abuse. Recovery involves not just emotional and mental healing, but also addressing the physical impact of trauma. Supporting a bro through physical healing can help him regain control, feel empowered, and rebuild his sense of bodily autonomy.
Here are some activities support people can do to assist in the physical healing journey:
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Encouraging Physical Activity: Physical activity, such as walking, swimming, or the gym, can be an effective way to release stress, improve mood, and promote overall wellbeing. Encourage the bro to engage in gentle exercises that help him reconnect with his body. As a support person, you can join him in activities like short walks to offer companionship and motivation. The key is to find activities that feel safe and comfortable for him.
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Body Awareness Practices: Encourage the bro to practise body awareness techniques, such as mindful movement or body scans. This could involve paying attention to different parts of the body, acknowledging any tension or discomfort, and gently working to release it. These practices can help him regain trust and awareness in his own body. You can support this by practicing together or guiding him through a body scan, focusing on relaxation.
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Breathing Exercises: Breathing exercises can help reduce physical tension, manage anxiety, and promote relaxation. Teach the bro deep breathing techniques like diaphragmatic breathing, where he inhales deeply through the nose, holds the breath for a few seconds, and exhales slowly through the mouth. You can practice these exercises together, helping him to feel supported and calm during moments of stress or overwhelm
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Rest and Sleep Hygiene: Physical healing is closely tied to adequate rest and good sleep. Encourage the bro to develop healthy sleep habits, such as keeping a regular sleep schedule, limiting screen time before bed, and creating a calm, restful environment. Support him in making space for rest when needed, as good sleep is essential for recovery and restoring physical energy.
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Healthy Nutrition: Eating a balanced, nourishing diet plays an important role in physical recovery. Support the bro by encouraging meals that provide energy and nourishment, focusing on fresh fruits, vegetables, protein, and whole grains. You could offer to cook together, help plan meals, or simply provide support in maintaining healthy eating habits. Good nutrition can help rebuild strength and provide the body with the necessary resources for healing.
Action eight: Wairua (Spirit) & Waa (Time & Space)
Wairua refers to the spirit and emotional resilience, an essential aspect of the healing process after sexual abuse. The journey of recovery often involves addressing the deep spiritual wounds caused by trauma and reconnecting with a sense of inner strength, purpose, and wholeness. Healing the spirit can help the individual restore balance, regain a sense of peace, and rediscover their worth and sense of connection to something greater than themselves.
Here are some activities support people can do to assist in spiritual healing:
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Encourage Connection with Personal Beliefs: Whether through faith, personal philosophy, or cultural practices, encourage the bro to reconnect with whatever gives him a sense of purpose, meaning, or spiritual strength. This could involve revisiting religious practices, exploring meditation, or engaging with cultural traditions that feel meaningful. Support him in finding what nourishes his spirit and helps him feel grounded in his own beliefs.
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Mindfulness and Meditation: Spiritual healing often involves a journey toward peace and clarity. Encourage the bro to explore mindfulness or meditation practices, which can help quiet the mind, reduce stress, and create space for healing. You can suggest simple techniques like focusing on the breath, visualising peaceful imagery, or using guided meditations. If the bro is open to it, you can join him in these practices to provide support and reassurance during moments of stillness.
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Nature and Spiritual Connection: Spending time in nature can be a deeply spiritual experience for many people. Encourage the bro to spend time outdoors, whether by walking in a park, sitting by the sea, or simply enjoying the quiet of the natural world. Nature can provide a sense of renewal and a reminder of the interconnectedness of all life. As a support person, you can offer to accompany him on these nature outings, helping him connect with the peace and healing that nature can offer.
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Creative Expression: Creative activities like art, music, or writing can be a powerful way for the bro to express and explore his spiritual journey. Support him in engaging with creative practices that help him reconnect with his inner self. For some, this could be drawing, painting, or composing music that expresses emotions that are hard to verbalise. Art and creative expression can be cathartic and allow the spirit to be nourished in a unique way.
By supporting the bro in these spiritual healing activities, the support person can help him rediscover his inner strength and connection to something larger than the trauma he’s experienced. It’s important to create an environment where the bro feels free to explore and express his spiritual journey, wherever that may lead. Spiritual healing, like other aspects of recovery, takes time and patience, and the support person’s role is to provide a steady, compassionate presence as the bro reconnects with his spirit.
Waa (Time) – Honouring the Healing Process
Waa refers to time and the importance of allowing the healing journey to unfold at its own pace. Just as healing takes time, so too does the process of recovery, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. In this context, it is essential to respect that each person’s journey is unique, and there is no rush in the path toward healing.
Support people can honour the concept of Waa by being patient and understanding, giving the bro the time he needs to process his experiences and heal in his own way. Encourage the bro to take his time, respecting his pace and allowing him to heal without pressure. This can involve giving space when needed, offering steady support, and recognising that healing is a gradual process that may involve setbacks or challenges. Understanding Waa helps the bro move through the healing process with greater ease and without unnecessary stress or expectations.